Handling people

Carnegie’s first principle is to avoid criticising, condemning or complaining. People rarely blame themselves, he observes, so criticism makes them defensive and resentful rather than better. It is wiser to try to understand why they act as they do.

The second principle is to give honest, sincere appreciation. One of the deepest human desires is to feel important, and appreciation meets it. Carnegie insists this is different from flattery, which is insincere and easy to see through.

The third is to arouse in the other person an eager want. The way to influence someone, he argues, is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.